Feel free to copy + paste these hilarious statuses to impress your friends ;) just don't forget to check this and other pages regularly from MindSirver!
Waitress: "Have I kept you waiting long?"
Me: "No, but did you know there are 1,296 squares on the ceiling?" <hr>
HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR PHONE IS MADE IN CHINA ;
1. It gets full after 3 minutes of charging.
2. The phone has TV, Touch screen, Nail cutter, firelighter etc.
3. Text message can be written with a
toothpick.
4. There are some spelling mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry, i-porn, samswag etc.
5. When an aeroplane passes by it displays "one missed call".
6. When a big truck hoots; it says "charger connected".
7. When a Chinese man passes by you it says"one Bluetooth device found"!!
That kill me moment when you're done doing the dishes and you turn around to see those pots around stove!!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
So why is it when a person is ugly he is stalker and if he's handsome he is the secret admirer?
AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:
1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.
2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.
3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball.
4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U.S.
.5. U.S is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves and vampires.
INDIAN MOVIES TEACH US:
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.
2. While defusing a bomb, do not worry, whichever wire you cut you always choose the right one.
3. A hero will show no pain, while getting beaten up; but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wound.
4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.
5. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.
I was so alone, that I moved into a haunted house. Then the ghosts left. :'(
If there's light at the end of tunnel, go for it. Just pray its not a train though.
If you don't have a Valentine on Valentine's day; don't be sad. Most people don't have Aids on World Aids day as well...
Whenever a woman says “do whatever you want” do NOT do whatever you want.
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I told my boss, if you don't raise my salary m gonna tell my colleagues that you raised my salary.
A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked and entered the house. For demonstration he dropped cow dung on the carpet and claimed "if i can't clean this shit in 60 seconds with my vacuum cleaner, i will eat it!!"
Owner of the house: Do you want ketchup with it?
Salesman: No! Why!?
Owner: There's no electricity.
After any argument, our mind starts producing clever and knock out things we should have said.
That awkward moment when the one time you raise your hand, some ass screams the answer out anyway.
A passenger touched the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him to stop. The driver screamed, lost control, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, & smashed against a wall.
Then the driver said: Don't you ever do that again, you scared me!
The passenger asked: How did a little touch scare u so much?
Driver replied: Its my first day as a taxi driver. I've been driving a van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years.
Rule of math :- If it seems easy, you are doing it wrong.
Human brain is amazing!
It functions 24 hours. For 365 days. It functions right from the time we were born and never stops until during exams.
Doctor, I want pills that makes me lives forever.
-Have you considered getting marred.
-Will that help me
-No. but it will prevent you from such thoughts.
Not finding your mom in super market? No matter what age you're, it's always a reason to panic!!
Careful who you'd call "friend". I personally would have 4 quarters rather than 100 pennies any day.
Waitress: "Have I kept you waiting long?"
Me: "No, but did you know there are 1,296 squares on the ceiling?" <hr>
HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR PHONE IS MADE IN CHINA ;
1. It gets full after 3 minutes of charging.
2. The phone has TV, Touch screen, Nail cutter, firelighter etc.
3. Text message can be written with a
toothpick.
4. There are some spelling mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry, i-porn, samswag etc.
5. When an aeroplane passes by it displays "one missed call".
6. When a big truck hoots; it says "charger connected".
7. When a Chinese man passes by you it says"one Bluetooth device found"!!
That kill me moment when you're done doing the dishes and you turn around to see those pots around stove!!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
So why is it when a person is ugly he is stalker and if he's handsome he is the secret admirer?
AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:
1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.
2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.
3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball.
4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U.S.
.5. U.S is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves and vampires.
INDIAN MOVIES TEACH US:
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.
2. While defusing a bomb, do not worry, whichever wire you cut you always choose the right one.
3. A hero will show no pain, while getting beaten up; but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wound.
4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.
5. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.
I was so alone, that I moved into a haunted house. Then the ghosts left. :'(
If there's light at the end of tunnel, go for it. Just pray its not a train though.
If you don't have a Valentine on Valentine's day; don't be sad. Most people don't have Aids on World Aids day as well...
Whenever a woman says “do whatever you want” do NOT do whatever you want.
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I told my boss, if you don't raise my salary m gonna tell my colleagues that you raised my salary.
A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked and entered the house. For demonstration he dropped cow dung on the carpet and claimed "if i can't clean this shit in 60 seconds with my vacuum cleaner, i will eat it!!"
Owner of the house: Do you want ketchup with it?
Salesman: No! Why!?
Owner: There's no electricity.
After any argument, our mind starts producing clever and knock out things we should have said.
That awkward moment when the one time you raise your hand, some ass screams the answer out anyway.
A passenger touched the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him to stop. The driver screamed, lost control, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, & smashed against a wall.
Then the driver said: Don't you ever do that again, you scared me!
The passenger asked: How did a little touch scare u so much?
Driver replied: Its my first day as a taxi driver. I've been driving a van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years.
Rule of math :- If it seems easy, you are doing it wrong.
Human brain is amazing!
It functions 24 hours. For 365 days. It functions right from the time we were born and never stops until during exams.
Doctor, I want pills that makes me lives forever.
-Have you considered getting marred.
-Will that help me
-No. but it will prevent you from such thoughts.
Not finding your mom in super market? No matter what age you're, it's always a reason to panic!!
Careful who you'd call "friend". I personally would have 4 quarters rather than 100 pennies any day.
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